Dear ‘amateur’ readers.. I’m in my mood on writing. Let’s try something a bit much more difficult and make a new category here in my page: ‘Amateur English’. Let’s hope that in the future this entry won’t be “alone” inside it. Well.. feel like blogging in English today.. don’t know why. It might be because I’ve read many blogs in English nowadays. Also some “complains” from new friends saying that they couldn’t understand anything from my posts and said that it was somehow ‘unfair’.

Speaking about that ‘unfair’ thing.. it will be a great idea to talk about it right now, about the ‘Fairness’ itself. Is there such thing as fairness? I don’t think so! I’ve tried many times for at least not so far away from being fair.. and Heaven knows how difficult it could be.. especially at work.

Him: Who plan this stationing? You?
Me: No, not me.. Why?
Him: Why A is always assigned at that station?
Me: Well.. she does best in that station.
Him: But I think it’s unfair for the other staff. Like she always get the chance to always stay at the back and relax.
(Unspoken Me): (Relax?!? Do you really think that job is so relaxing? And the ‘chance’ to always stay at the back.. Hmh.. from what I observed, she always try to finish the duty faster, then try to help people ‘out there’ instead of taking that chance.)
Me: On the very busy hours, we better choose the fittest person for a station.
Him: But B can also do that, and C can do it too.
(Unspoken Me): (Don’t u afraid this B will take that chance to always stay at the back and we will lose ‘one helping hand’ out there? And I think she is needed to be in other station, she’s good on it. How about C ? Sure she can do it, I know I can assign her anywhere, no doubt. But she happens to be the fastest person in the floor that we’ll need so much to be there in the middle of that uncivilized impatient crowd customers.)
Me: Just tell your opinion to the person who plan that. I’m not the one who did it.*Smiling*
(Yeah.. I wasn’t the one who did the stationing plan for night shift. But if it were me, I know I’d make exactly the same arrangement.)

The opinion was obviously outspoken to the planner. Result? Within only less than half an hour, I saw the stationing is changed. A and C were switched over. I smiled in my heart.. wise decision. Equal helping hand, almost the same skill, nothing to lose. It’s only because each of them is slightly better than the other one in their own ’specialized’ station that caused the MOD made the first arrangement. I’m sure he thought the same way with me. We have same star sign, not so difficult for me to understand him. The stationing seemed fair enough now ..and we don’t always assign A in that section (or always assign C in another section, and D in other stressful section, doesn’t anybody realize that?) But are we being unfair to always assign the best (though it’s only slightly better) person in each station in order to make the fastest move to satisfy (again) that impatient crowd customer? And is it fair to us if we are scolded by the customer or higher management level just because we couldn’t make the best planning in order to be ‘fair’ enough? Is it so unfair if we need the most suitable person to fill in that “relaxing” but “risky” station so we can work a bit faster and easier at night after the exhausting “war”?

A week before, with a guilty feeling of being unfair.. I said to D, “I think I have to assign u as host again.” Horrible position to always struggle facing that cruel irritable queue.. She’s the best though, I had no choice. I was expecting rejection or at least a sigh from her. But no! “For you.. sure, no problem. I will.” ..with smile! What an easing answer, made my day. Yeah, think far behind when I was “young”.. I was often positioned at the worst place or situation just because I was so ‘able’ to be there. Did I complain? Nope if the one who asked me to was the one I respect, superior that I like. I’d do it with pleasure from the bottom of my heart. If not? No.. not complaining.. just grumbled inside. Like and dislike? Common occurrence? Tell me who’s being unfair now. Is it the superior who always assign someone most suitable in the most relaxing or in the most horrible situation? Or is it the subordinate who can be happy or unhappy for the same reason depending on who tell them what to do?

Same day with that ’stationing’ incident, I stayed there after work to do scheduling. It’s not a new thing for me, I did it very very often on my previous job, even more often on the more previous than that previous job. But still, always took me a long time to do that even until now. Difficult? I don’t think so. Piece of cake. Trying hard to be fair, that’s my major problem. Tried not to give too many or too less hours to each of them. Tried to dam the atmosphere that gonna be deluged with jealousy if I gave too many “relaxing” section to one staff. Well done. Result? “I really like it when u do the scheduling. I got so many hours.” No.. It’s not because I wanted it to do so. I really had no choice. Nobody else wanted the hours that I gave to u. But then.. will anyone scrutinize? If even u as the ‘lucky’ person here is thinking that way, I won’t be surprised if others will mumble around about this. And the fact that u are one of my favorite companions will somehow strengthen the hunch. Another result? “Come on! You can not always give me overtime on Sunday! That’s the most unpleasant day to work.” Wow.. I could cancel ur name since the beginning and replaced it with my ‘favorite companion’. But I didn’t. I thought u’d need the extra hours to earn more, and that was the only day I can give to you without “sacrificing” others. Screwed up! I shouldn’t try any effort to be fair on the first place.

That day, I stayed at work until very late. I saw the MOD was pissed off, usual incident.. guest complain. Complaining about one’s attitude.. again.. common. Attitude is somehow a subjective appraisal. The following complicated procedural service recovery is something that annoyed him so bad. I wasn’t so sure what caused the tears dripped from the “victim” ’s eyes. Might be a hard time for her to be the one being blamed. Unfair? It isn’t fair either to the MOD if a complain letter goes to the higher level through feedback site as happened in only a couple weeks ago. Hard time from the higher level.. and again.. complicated procedural service recovery. But then today, I read one’s post, posted on 27 July 2008 4:34AM, sharing about this same day.. same place. How several customers expressed so much gratitude for the good service. Will they write a compliment letter through feedback site? I doubt it. People used to concern more on the bad incident rather than the good one. And if they by any chance write it, I don’t think the higher level will care even a single bit. Yeah, unfair..

Saturday night, still the same day.. I looked up the roster, wondering who’ll be in my team the following day. Sunday lunch will always be very busy and I’ll need a strong team, a solid cooperation. A bit sighs in my heart.. Honestly I was quite worried with the team. Like and dislike? No.. Just an ordinary human feeling. Well, at least there’s one person I can really count on.. except for her ‘habit’ of coming a bit late. I purposely said in front of her, insinuated a bit.. “Hm.. I have to be well prepared. Seems that someone will be late tomorrow.” Hoping that she’ll understand that I really need her to be on time to help me in the “war”. And.. she gave me a good response, “No, I won’t be late. I’ll call u saying that I’m gonna be late, but I’ll be on time.” Big grin on my face and hers. I was relieved.

Sunday morning.. 11.20, an incoming call. Someone picked it up and told me the caller would be late, just awake. Just awake?!? Oh no! I should open the business within 10 minutes time, and I think more than an hour is needed for someone who just awake to reach this place. No, the caller was not her who promised me to be on time, her schedule was 12.30. It’s another person. Customers started coming in.. pouring in. I had to be very tactful, forget a while about the SOP. Seating the guest, give menu, straightway give them all the ice water and set spoons on the table. No need to wait until they order, no need to know what will they order.. just give it, set it, don’t waste my time. Great idea, saved me from a lot of troubles. Yet couldn’t help so much. The customers kept pouring in, all demanding my attention. Finally the first person arrived, 12.20. 60% tables were already occupied at that time. 12.40.. almost full house! I was wondering, where is she?? 10 minutes passed from her schedule. Disappointed.. so disappointed.. I really counted on her. I almost finished my energy ‘running’ around and customers are still very demanding.. always be. 12.45 she came with guilt on her face, apologized. I just smiled and rushed her into the crowd.

Another phone call.. Another two persons should start at 1 o’clock said that they would be half an hour late.. What a day! Lack of two persons even for only half an hour in busy Sunday lunch is a total mess. My worries the night before were somehow coming true. Well in the end.. I had the complete team. I could finally breathe normally after 2pm. Everybody seemed exhausted, I could really understand what they felt. But could they understand mine? Never mind. I should not feel something unfair. My salary is higher then theirs.. that’s unfair.

16.05.. the next MOD came.. LATE.. 5 minutes only.
Him: Why everybody seems unhappy?
Her: Because all the guest sucks today!
(Unspoken Me): (Sure. Our service sucks today. What do you expect..)
I couldn’t blame the customers. They will not understand that we short of staff or anything. And I don’t think the higher management will understand either. Lack of staff because of indiscipline.. it means that I can’t control my staff. I’m failed as a leader. Yet I don’t wanna scold them. They’re different from my co-worker in Indonesia. These people don’t really need a job, they work for fun. Scolding or threatening could somehow make them worse.

The only thing I can do here is try to win their respect, try to be their friend, hoping that they will help me with pleasure, without pressure. But I think I’m failed. I remember 2 days before, almost the same thing happened. I had to struggle alone in the crowd, waiting for the late companion. But that time was also my mistake, I changed his schedule and missed to inform him about it. So that time I didn’t think so much. But this time, really make me think.. they might be unhappy working with me. Maybe they don’t like me.. and purposely put me in this kind of situation? Well.. hopefully not. Quite like a strike on my shift.. but it might be completely coincidence. All their reasons made sense for me. But yeah.. who knows?

Sometimes ago, I was working as usual with the co-workers. Out of sudden, one person said, “Prila, I’m waiting the time u’ll become an operational manager. I think you have so much potential.” I just replied.. so fast replied.. “Amen. Thank you.” I have so much potential? I was there before.. I’ve been there on that position. This is honestly a step backward for me, my career was downgraded. But I don’t regret it at all. I remember I scolded my staff a lot when I was at that position. Too much pressure and brain working baled out a bit of my patience and calmness. A little mistake could make me somehow explode. Honestly, sometimes I can understand why our operational manager is so irritating. But I believe I wasn’t as irritating as him. When I resigned from that previous job, some people seemed losing their spirit to continue working there. Even one of the supervisor said, “You quit, I quit.” What’s that? A ‘you jump I jump’ Titanic expression? He said that he didn’t like the other superior but still staying because I was there. I just told him to make a wise decision. He did.. looked for another job, found it, one month notification to the company.. and this early July he started his new job. Hopefully he didn’t regret it, because from experience I know.. working everywhere is the same.

Here is a little part of my very long e-mail sent to my operational manager here after I argued badly with him around 2 months ago.

My answer for your sentence “if you are not happy, then the door is open for you to leave” is still the same. Sentences like “I can fire you anytime,” “a lot of people is queuing for this job,” or anything else that in my mind sounds like “I don’t need you.. but you need this job” is the sentence I always avoid to say to any of my staff because I hate that kinds of sentence very much. Well.. I just try to do my best here. And in my opinion, if I’ve done my best but I still have to leave the company.. there are only 2 possibilities: ‘I am not good enough for the company’ or ‘The company is not good enough for me.’ For me, working anywhere is the same.. there always be a clash or different way of thinking with the superior or boss. Who hate who, like and dislike are very very common problem exist in every company. So, I am very fine with that…

Yes, I am really fine. And I do hope that I won’t be like him and forget how it feels to be an inferior. I crawled from the bottom, climbed up bit by bit.. Believe me I really know how it feels. Some people born on the top of a ladder, but I’m not one of them. Well, life is unfair though. But I found one nice story. A little girl told her uncle that she felt something unfair. The uncle replied, “Girl, you are so cute, that’s unfair. Your daddy is so rich, that’s unfair. Your mom loves you so much, that’s unfair. Do you really want everything to be fair?”

Never pray for fairness. You might regret it when it comes to you.

Wow! Well done! I can finish my first English post. A long one though.. very long. Let’s see the effect of writing in English. Generally, on my previous posts I received some comments of those. I’ll wait if I can still get some comments in this language. Anyway.. I’m very glad that life is unfair and He gives me the talent of writing.. and lot of other things.

Wait.. I almost posted this entry yesterday, but I was thinking of doing one last editing today after work. But there’s another thing happened today that I want to share here.
A phone call…
Him: Were u the one who gave the paycheck to that staff?
Me: Ya, I did give it to him.
Him: Why!? U have to wait until month end to give the paycheck if someone still under probation!
Me: *startled* I am sorry, I didn’t know about that.
Him: You didn’t know!?! There was a memo about it! That person acted a bit crazy yesterday. If he never show up working again, you should responsible for that paycheck!
Me: He’s not coming today. I think he won’t come to work anymore.
Him: See?!? Means that his salary should be deducted. Now how?!?
Me: Well.. I am sorry. That’s my mistake. Just deduct it from my salary then.
BAM! Phone is slammed from the other side.

What the …? Yeah.. my mistake, case closed. No need to say that he didn’t give me a chance to read all those old memos. No use to drag other outlet managers in this case by saying that I also always received my paycheck before month end since the beginning, when I was still under probation. Not necessary to bring in the fact that I gave the paycheck to the person as ordered by the manager in charge. Let me be the only fool person here.

Another phone call. No, not for me. For the other higher management. But then after that..
Her: Prila.. He will not deduct ur salary. He will not touch the payment. But then, because that staff should actually work until month end for that full payment… and he still has 3 days to go.. Then 3 days of ur day off or annual leave should be deducted.
Me: Hm.. Ok…
Her: Or.. he said that u can try to call our big boss ask him to call the bank and hold the payment.
Me: I? Call the big boss? I think it won’t be wise if I call him directly by myself. As if I pass through so many higher level than me.
Her: It’s ok.. he said that you may try to call the big boss, he gave you the permission.
(Unspoken Me:) (Gave me permission? If he really intended to help me, he would help me to call the big boss instead of giving me the permission. If he’s so afraid of losing his face by calling him and being ignored or even scolded by bothering a big boss with such a thing.. I didn’t think I should do that silly idea.)
Me: It’s ok. I’d rather give up my day off.

Sigh. Even the manager in charge who told me to give away the paycheck didn’t seem like he’s willing to let me share that days off deduction with him when I told him the story by phone. Unfair? No.. My own decision. I was the one who decided to work here in Singapore. It might be unfair for somebody else that I was so lucky to find this job. The fact that Singaporean superior won’t bother trying to cover or help their subordinate like I always try to do.. is the risk I should face.

Yet another phone call.. same caller..
Him: Who was in charge Sunday morning?
Me: I was in charge.
Him: Why didn’t u tell me about supplier sent the cake sample for me?
Me: That was ur day off. I was waiting for Monday.
Him: Yesterday was Monday, I was there. Why didn’t I receive the sample?!?
Me: I was off yesterday. But I’ve passed the message to cold side staff so he could give it to you.
Him: Nobody tell me anything! I don’t care if u’ve passed the message! I never received the message! Did you put it at comm-log?
Me: No, I didn’t.
Him: Nah! So how?!? That’s ur fault!
Me: I am so sorry, my mistake.
BAM! Phone is slammed (again..) from the other side.

What a day. Ruined all the mood I had to work. Felt like throwing away that red shirt and went home. But fortunately I saw that face. A cheerful face, energetic, full of spirit. A helping hand, eased the pain. My staff.. NO, my friend instead. Lucky you were there. Make me remember that I like the place, I like the working atmosphere, and I have some people like her here… that’s enough. The hell with that inconsiderable superior. I remind myself one more time, working anywhere is the same. Irritating superior or boss like him will always exist. Can be even worse. So why bother? Fairness.. is never exist.